Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Tea For Two (Million)

The news has been awash of late with stories about these teabag parties taking place on Tax Day (like it's a holiday or something ... sheesh). For those of you that have been hiding under rocks, burying their heads in the sand or otherwise doing the equivalent of sticking their fingers in their ears and saying loudly "La-la-la-I-can't-hear-you" I will explain.

On April 15th, 2009, people across the country will be taking part in protests against excessive taxation by staging a sort-of-reenactment of the Boston Tea Party in 1773. The difference being that instead of taxation without representation they'll be protesting taxation WITH representation and instead of throwing a couple tons of tea overboard into Boston Harbor they'll being throwing a few teabags into red plastic buckets they buy at Ikea.

The important thing to remember here is that in 1773, colonists were protesting a tax on TEA. Their reasoning was that if the tea was destroyed and never actually made it into circulation it could not be taxed. They felt strongly enough about the inequity of the tax on tea that they were willing to go without tea to avoid paying the tax.

This might not seem like a big deal now, but understand that in 1773 the afternoon tea was a social fixture among all classes of citizens. The reasons for this are obscure (meaning I don't want to look them up), but I suspect that it's because you'd feel like an idiot wearing a powdered wig and sipping brown liquor from a china cup with your pinky extended.

Following this reasoning it would make sense that the "teabaggers" as they have come to call themselves (and I don't think they are fully aware of the extremely intimate act this is a euphemism for) would, instead of throwing away tea, throw away the thing that is being taxed. Being the bastions of moral integrity these people claim to be, if they feel this strongly about it they should do without the thing being taxed rather than pay what they see as an unjust tax.

The thing being taxed, of course, is their income. Therefore it only seems right that, instead of throwing away teabags, they should throw their entire income into those red Ikea buckets.

Now, I can already hear some of you out there getting ramped up to point out that having big red buckets of cash lying around isn't exactly a bright idea. I'm way ahead of you. This is why I am selflessly volunteering to collect the cash myself and make sure that it gets distributed properly (or, to put it another way, Daddy needs a new fridge).

There's no need to thank me. I'm just doing my part to protext the First Amendment. I gotta lie down.

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